Silent Fight

Lilith has had many relationships over the years and most of them have been wrought with drama and abuse. Drama seems at times to be what keeps Lilith going. She bounces from crises to crises, acting like what ever alarm she sounded last week just went unanswered as this weeks new drama unfolds.

Lilith has been through health scares, someone stealing her car, abusive relationships, legal trouble, moving, being evicted, family drama, changing jobs, being fired, a stalker, pregnancy, financial trouble, problems with friends, mechanical problems with her car, she has bought and gotten rid of more pets since I have known her then I could count on my fingers, and toes.

Lilith's relationships develop quickly, she falls in love quickly and throws her whole heart and self into her relationships. The problem that Adam and I have experienced with this is that Lilith has a knack for attracting some pretty whack guys. Now I really don't care who Lilith dates, it's not my business and not my heart to be broken but it sucks to watch her make the same mistakes time and time again. I want to grab her and shake her until she realizes that until she learns to be happy by herself, she will never be happy with someone else.

Adam's only concern is since Lilith's relationships move quickly, it means she introduces these guys to Seth quickly, they move in with her quickly, she encourages a relationship between these guys and Seth quickly. What happens when things go south just as quickly? Seth gets hurt, he becomes defensive of his mom, often wishing and scheming ways to cause physical harm to the guys that have hurt Lilith. It rocks Seth's world and we spend weeks trying to resume normal. We cling to schedules, routines, boundaries and rules because during these times we know how important it is for our house to be a stable safe haven for Seth.

Because of the abuse that Seth has seen Lilith experience (that Adam and I were often unaware of or not made aware of until very recently) he is very sensitive to any disagreements between Adam and myself. We actually have had to learn how to fight without any yelling, screaming, slamming or crying. We had to learn this because Seth would freak out if we expressed any anger or frustration at each other in front of him. We have worked hard to reassure Seth that people can disagree and it doesn't have to become violent or abusive but there is no erasing the things that he has seen. Just a hope that Adam and I can be a model of what a normal relationship can look like.

Now excuse me, I have to go text message Adam a stink eye because he left the toilet seat up for the millionth time.