Adam is a campfire. It takes a while to get him upset but once he is he can smolder long after the fire appears to be out. If you throw something else on those embers he might flare up but he is pretty contained.
Seth is a wildfire right now. We don't often know what sets him off and just when we think we might have his anger contained it jumps the fire line and threatens to destroy someone's house. Also his anger seems to be influenced by the direction of the wind as much as anything else. It is a constant battle right now to try to keep things under control.
The problem is that true anger is often expressed when someone feels safe enough to show it. We take things out on the people we love the most. For Seth this means that there has been an incredible amount of anger expressed in my house lately. There has been fighting, there has been pouting, he has shut down mid conversation, he has exploded all over his mom on the phone and thrown straight up hissy fits. I have wondered lately if I am going to be forced to try to pick him up and carry him to compliance like I did when he was three. I am not sure how I will accomplish that because I am not sure I could physically pick him up anymore.
Seth is angry mainly because of a series of bad choices by his mom. Just when we thought Lilith couldn't make another poor decision she surprised us all and hit another low. To speak frankly Lilith has a substance abuse problem. It was an arrest because of this problem that forced us into overnight custody.
I have sympathy for the Lilith, I know she does genuinely love Seth but as anyone who is familiar with the 12 steps knows, when someone is in the middle of their addiction they aren't making good choices, their sickness dictates everything. They are selfish, manipulating liars, who will always choose their addiction over others if not treated. Occasionally you can force someone's rock bottom through an intervention but it would be inappropriate for Adam and I to be involved in hers. That is a job for Lilith's family and friends. We hoped that some of the events of the summer would raise her awareness of her actions but unfortunately they haven't.
To protect Seth both physically and emotionally we allowed him to be with us as much as possible. Lilith would often forego her custodial time and allow him to be with us while she was out. Since legally we had/have no standing to withhold visitation we had to let Seth go with his mom, even when we worried. Emergency actions were taken but as we had no legal proof (proving that someone is an unfit parent is extremely difficult, if MTV had not been taping, Amber Portwood would probably not ever been shown to be unfit) because we lacked the legal proof that Seth was in danger or that Lilith was unfit we had no choice but to wait for something to happen and hope that when it finally did that it wouldn't be at the cost of physical harm to Seth.
The Department of Child and Family Services were even involved over the summer but because Lilith was able to pass a drug and alcohol screening no action was taken even though Seth himself expressed his concern to the social worker. It was incredibly frustrating and heart breaking. It was an unbelievably stressful summer.
After Lilith's arrest we had to take custody because she had no way to provide for his education. Educational neglect was something we weren't willing to allow Seth to suffer as well. So here we are, living everyday with a wildfire.
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